The Vatican (China) Ltd: A Tragic-Comedy (to be broadcast)

A  Warning for the Slow Minded or the Uninformed: This Piece is Rife with Satire

Breaking News Update: September 1, 2015

Vatican to Relocate to America

Rome:

The Vatican announced today that it will be permanently relocating to Washington, DC.

On the eve of a state visit to the United States by Pope Francis, Jorge Bergoglio, it was disclosed that the administration of the Church of Rome, including all of the assets of the Vatican Bank, will be transferred to the American capitol.

Fr. Giuseppe Arnoldi, Vatican press spokesman, elaborated,

“This relocation has nothing to do with recent claims of our financial insolvency or anything else you might hear from Mr. Putin, that tight-fisted cheap atheistic bastard! America, on the other hand, is a client we can do business with, anytime, anywhere.”

Speaking from Chicago, where he is renewing his old acquaintances in the Catholic Archdiocese, U.S. President Barack Obama told reporters today,

“We’re absolutely thrilled by this move. Jorge is such a nice guy, and he needs a helping hand these days. Yes we can, Vatican!”

Pope Francis is scheduled to address both Houses of Congress on September 24, after an equally unprecedented address to the United Nations’ General Assembly in New York.

A breaking interview with the Pope follows.

1 September, 2015

………………………………………………..

Today, Rome … Tomorrow …?

 Hello, this is Richard Baleriani with CNN. I’m speaking today to his Most Exalted Supremeness the Magnificent One from Rome, Pope Francis the First.

Pope: Hello Richard.

Baleriani: Let me begin by saying how abjectly honored we are to be speaking with you …

Pope: Excuse me, but you don’t have to call me all that, you know.

Baleriani: No?

Pope: No. Forget all the titles. I’m really a simple soul. “Your Supremeness” will do.

Baleriani: Thank you for clarifying that, Supremeness.

Pope: You’re most welcome, mortal.

Baleriani: So let me begin by asking you what millions of people are wondering: why this move to Washington, DC?

Pope: Well, it’s not exactly Terra Incognito to us, you know. We designed the place.

Baleriani: That’s true, Supremeness, but is there a specific reason for you to just up and leave Italy like that?

Pope: Yes, there is.

(pause)

Baleriani: Well?

Pope: Well, what?

Baleriani: What is the reason?

Pope: Why should I tell you? I’m the Ruler of the World.

Baleriani: So is it a state secret, is that it?

Pope: State? What state?

Baleriani: Uh, you know. The Vatican.

(The Pope chuckles)

Pope: Oh, yeah. Right. I keep forgetting. (pause) No, I wouldn’t call it a “state” secret. Just an arrangement.

Baleriani: We understand that you and Premier Vladimir Putin had quite a mix up back in July when you met in Rome. Rumor has it that a deal that was in the works between you and Russia fell through …

Pope: No comment.

Baleriani: Is this about the claims that the Vatican Bank is about to fold?

Pope: Now I won’t allow that kind of alarmist talk, Richard. I don’t want to have to ask my associate to smite you.

Baleriani: Excuse me? What “associate”?

(The Pope gestures to the ceiling)

Baleriani: Your Supremeness, look, I didn’t mean to imply …

Pope: All it takes is one prayer by me, you know. Maybe even just a phone call to some people I know in Argentina …

Baleriani: Okay, okay.  Never mind about the bank …

Pope: You’re a good Italian boy, Richard. You know the score. (pause) But back to your original question, I can say that your wonderful President extended the invitation to me personally to move to your beautiful country.

Baleriani: Mr. Obama asked you to relocate to America?

Pope: No, no, Barack couldn’t find his way to a piss house with the instructions written on his ass. He was asked to invite me, obviously.

Baleriani: Asked by who?

(Tense pause)

Pope: Richard, do I have to make that call?

Baleriani: It’s a fair enough question, your Supremeness.

Pope: (sighing) I can see you never graduated from your catechism class.

Baleriani: Pardon?

Pope: I’m the Ruler of the world AND of the heavens, Dick.

Baleriani: But I thought, well, what about God?

Pope: What about Him?

Baleriani: I always thought He was in charge.

Pope: No, my son, it’s a tag team operation. Just Him and Me. And we don’t have to answer to anybody, anywhere.

Baleriani: Not even to your creditors, Supremeness?

Pope: Dick, now I warned you …

Baleriani: We know for a fact that there’s a group of offshore Chinese investors who have bought up a major share of the Vatican bank debt, and Russia was helping to broker the remaining acquisition. But with Putin out of the picture now, well …

Pope: Well what?

Baleriani: I’ll put this plainly, Supremeness: since China is rapidly taking over the American national debt as well, is this move to Washington being engineered by Bejing?

(Pause, then Pope begins humming to himself)

Baleriani: I assume your silence means you’re not disagreeing with me?

Pope: This is a nice studio you have here, Dick. Very nice. Is it insured?

Baleriani: (nervously) Uh, well …

Pope: And I noticed your wedding ring. Any kids?

Baleriani: Anyway. So speaking of children …

Pope: Hey! I never touched one of those little bastards!

Baleriani: Excuse me?

Pope: You’re talking Buenos Aires, right? 1982? Okay, so I made some arrangements with the Generals, but I never laid a hand …  

Baleriani: Um, sorry, but I was speaking about Mr. Ratzinger …

Pope: Oh. Okay, never mind.

Baleriani: Anyway, will your predecessor be accompanying you in your move to America?

Pope: I can’t speak for Joe …

Baleriani: I mean, there he is, holed up in Vatican City, evading lawyers and reporters alike.  I just assumed you wouldn’t leave him there, high and dry.

Pope: No comment.

Baleriani: Some people have even speculated that he’s still the actual reigning Pope. Like, I noticed you don’t wear the papal ring.

Pope: Oh, I am just a simple deity, Dick. I like mingling with the poor. I actually gave it away to some street guy the other day.

Baleriani: You did?

Pope: (cautiously) Yeah. It was, well, a while ago actually. I think. I was out one night, doing my midnight stroll …

Baleriani: What, all on your own?

Pope: Yeah, you know: just like my name sake, that hairy little guy …

Baleriani: No papal security? Not even a bodyguard?

Pope: Consider the lilies of the field, Dick.

Baleriani: Flowers aren’t sitting on trillions in real estate, Supremeness. (pause) But be that as it may, and it probably isn’t …

Pope: Hey, that’s funny!

Baleriani: Let me ask you what you plan to do once you set up shop in Washington?

Pope: It’s a merger deal, Dick. Do you want all the details?

Baleriani: Yes, I would. So would our viewers.

Pope: Then go ask the people who know. I’m just the guy in charge.

Baleriani: A merger?

Pope: Well, duh.

Baleriani: I don’t get it.

Pope: Obviously. (Pause) OK. Confidentially, our stock is dropping. Has been for years. Too many hands to grease, way too much overhead. You know how much it takes to run our company?

Baleriani: A lot, I guess.

Pope: Are you kidding? Over a billion whimpering, pathetic bozos, all looking to me to fix their sorry little lives. You know what air conditioning costs these days?

Baleriani: To say nothing of your obligations to the Orsinis and the other Families …

Pope: Hey, you a smart boy Dickey! Anyway, the Chinks made us a good offer: the same one they did with the Americans. They’ll take the whole thing off our hands and cover all the debts, slam dunk, quicker than you can say The Second Coming!

Baleriani: (chuckling) Wow, you’re a funny guy, Jorge!

Pope: Thanks. I shoulda been in the pictures, you know. That’s what Momma wanted. She said I had a born acting talent …

Baleriani: Well, you’ve proven that, for sure, Supremeness. (pause) But getting back to the Chinese …

Pope: Oh yeah. A fucking god send. Now I don’t have to worry about a repo team barging in and hauling out all the Vatican furniture …

Baleriani: So what does Bejing get in return?

Pope: What do you mean? Everything!

Baleriani: The entire Roman Catholic church?

Pope: (guffawing) Jesus Murphy, Dick! I’m talking everything. On heaven and on earth!

Baleriani: I don’t understand …

Pope: (sighing) It’s all in the contract, dummy. We signed over the entire franchise. They get to run everything now. Not just the churches either, but our whole fucking investment portfolio! Goodbye, Monsanto! Plus all that absolution horseshit and the power to save and damn, all the indulgences income, and of course the weekly take from the collection plates …

Baleriani: Wow. That’s quite the enchilada …

Pope: You bet your pretty wop ass it is, Dick!

(They laugh)

Pope: Of course, it’ll require some theological adjustments …

Baleriani: Such as?

Pope: We gotta redo all the official paintings of JC, for one thing. Give him more of an Asiatic look. And of course the Book’s gotta be re-written, again.

Baleriani: Yeah, well Rome is pretty good at doing that …

Pope: You know, like that bit about the Kingdom of Heaven being within you. Uh uh. Not a good thing to say to the Chinese Politbureau.

Baleriani: Or love your enemies, for that matter …

Pope: Well shit, Dick. Nobody likes that one.

Baleriani: So the US government is cool with the Chinese takeover deal?

Pope: (chuckles) Am I a catholic?

(They laugh)

Baleriani: Your mother was right, Jorge. You really have to try the stage and screen route …

Pope: Funny you should mention that. I have received a few offers recently …

Baleriani: I wouldn’t doubt it at all, Supremeness. (pause) Any final thoughts for our audience?

Pope: Yeah. Keep up those tithings and offerings. God needs you!

Baleriani: This is Richard Baleriani and … what should I call you now?

Pope: Your Supreme Being … China, Limited.

(They laugh)

Fade Out

……………..

The Canada Comedy Hour (upcoming Radio Program)

Welcome to The Canada Comedy Hour: Where Credibility and Credulity gets stretched thinner than the 49th parallel!

(Canned music and applause)

Voice: Hello everybody! I’m your handsome host, Wink Harper!

(More applause)

Wink: Tonight’s show is brought to you by the friendly folks at Cameco Ltd., our very own Canadian Uranium company. As they say at Cameco, we dig, and you pay. (laughter) And tonight’s Show is entitled … Meet the Sinclairs!

(Canned Applause)

Wink: We’re pleased to have as our guest the man who chaired the Truth and Reconciliation Commission: Murray Sinclair! (scattered applause) Murray’s the former judge who helped put the spin on that not so nice matter of dead little Indians. Bummer, eh? But no worries, Canada! The whole story’s really quite funny! And that’s why we’re here tonight, everyone! To make things positive! (applause) So without further ado, let’s bring on Murray Sinclair, who’s appearing tonight with the full approval of his legal counsel.

(applause)

Murray: Hi Wink.

Wink: Welcome to the show. (pause) Uh, are you able to fit into that chair, Murray?

Murray: Yeah, it should … ow, shit! (pause) Yeah, it’s okay now.

Wink: So Murray, let’s get to it. What’s the deal with all those, well, let’s call them ex-pupils?

Murray: You mean the Indian residential school children?

Wink: Sure. Them.

Murray: Well, I have a statement here about all that from our lawyers … (pause) Aw shit, now where the hell is it?

(sound of rustling papers)

Wink: Take your time, Murray.

(laughter)

Murray: Ok, got it! (pause, clears his throat) “According to our painstaking research and without acknowledging any prior knowledge of or complicity in the alleged incidents, our Commission has concluded that some children died in the residential school system.”

Wink: Some?

Murray: That’s right.

Wink: How many is some?

Murray: Well, I haven’t checked with our legal department about the specifics, Wink …

Wink: Bloody lawyers, eh Murray? (laughter) So what, did your solicitors dig the graves? Don’t answer that, Murray. I wouldn’t put anything past a lawyer.

(laughter)

Murray: (chortling) You should try living with one.

(greater laughter)

Wink: Hey, that’s good, Murray! You’re a real funny guy! (laughter) So anyway, about those dead children …

Murray: There were two of them. I think.

Wink: Two?

Murray: Yeah, well, one for sure. We’re not certain about the other one.

Wink: Two dead children. (pause) Wow, Murray, that’s great detective work. (laughter) So how much have you hit the taxpayers for all that, you chubby faced enemy of the people?

(laughter)

Murray: (sheepishly) Oh, well, it’s somewhere around $68 million, I guess.

Wink: Holy shit, Fat Man! That’s $34 million a corpse!

Murray: No, now just wait, Wink! We had lots of other expenses on the TRC!

Wink: Such as?

Murray: Well, our offices, for one thing. And all the paperclips. You wouldn’t believe the paperwork we had!

Wink: Uh huh.

Murray: Then there were all the luncheon meetings …

Wink: Yeah, we heard about those. Mighty fancy spreads you laid out for yourselves, Murray. Fresh trout, filet mignon, baked Alaska, and all the booze you could stand!

Murray: Well, that’s just your standard Canadian government protocol, you know.

Wink: No doubt. (laughter) I see you’ve got a sweet tooth too, Murray.

Murray: What?

Wink: A Ms. Elsie Two Feathers says she saw you scarf down more than a dozen pastries during just one session of your TRC forum. (laughter) Elsie and her friends even gave you an Ojibway Indian name after that …

Murray: (proudly) Really?

Wink: Yeah. “Eats Many Muffins”.

(Laughter)

Murray: (indignantly) I’m on a weight loss program, just so you know, Wink.

Wink: You could have fooled me. (laughter) Anyway, Murray, let’s move on to talk about the “G” word.

Murray: The what?

Wink: Genocide, Murray.

Murray: Oh, we never use that term, Wink. We say cultural genocide.

Wink: Say, what?

Murray: Cultural genocide. It sounds nicer. Not so hard on the ears.

Wink: Or on the bank accounts, eh Murray? (laughter) Alright then, Muffin Man. We’ll play in your ballpark. What is this “cultural genocide” thing, anyway?

Murray: It’s when we didn’t appreciate their language.

(pregnant pause)

Wink: Yeah? And?

Murray: And nothing. We were just, you know, kind of insensitive to the Indians.

Wink: Right. And by “we”, you mean who exactly?

Murray: Well, the white people, of course.

Wink: But you’re an aboriginal, aren’t you, Murray?

(pause)

Murray: Oh. Right. I forgot. (laughter) Well, okay, I meant, they were insensitive, uh, to us. The Indians.

Wink: Is that why those kids died, Murray? From insensitivity?

Murray: Well, no. They caught a cold, or something.

Wink: The two of them.

(Another pregnant pause)

Murray: You know, come to think of it … (sound of more rustling papers) … Right. I guess there was more than two.

(laughter)

Wink: Really? How many more?

(pause)

Murray: Well, like I said, Wink, I have to check with the lawyers first …

Wink: Right. (laughter) Say Murray, if you need some help with that, you could just ask the people who put them in the ground.

Murray: What? (pause) Who do you mean?

Wink: The churches, numb nuts.

(laughter)

Murray: Oh, no, we couldn’t do that! I mean, my own wife is a United Church member!

Wink: Apparently. (laughter) You much of a church goer, Murray?

Murray: (cautiously) Sometimes. But just on certain holidays …

Wink: So you never asked the churches where those dead kids ended up?

Murray: No.

Wink: That’s great police work, Murray. Leave out the prime suspects. (laughter)
Murray: (impulsively) Now look, Wink, don’t blame me for everything! Things were arranged long before I showed up!

(Yet another pregnant pause)

Wink: Oh yeah? Like, what kind of arrangement? (long pause) Murray?

Murray: Yes?

Wink: Are you saying the whole TRC was fixed?

Murray: That’s pretty judgmental of you, Wink. We prefer to call it healing and reconciliation.

Wink: Meaning, what?

Murray: If you start accusing people of things, that just causes bad feelings, Wink.

Wink: Well, we wouldn’t want that, Tonto. (laughter) Now Murray, I hear you’ve been personally attacked by certain people …

Murray: (angrily) Oh yeah? Who?

Wink: Let me finish …

Murray: If it’s someone called Denise I completely deny all of her allegations! I was nowhere near that hotel on the night she claims!

Wink: Excuse me?

(pause)

Murray: Oh. Sorry. Never mind.

(laughter)

Wink: Actually, I was referring to some of the public critics of the TRC …

Murray: (moaning) Oh, not him again!

Wink: What?

Murray: Him! That smart ass out on the west coast! He’s just a no good son of a …

Wink: Murray, now be nice!

(laughter)

Murray: Sorry, Wink, but I get emotional when his name comes up …

Wink: I never said any name …

Murray: Oh but you will! That’s how he works! He uses that know-it-all mouth of his to worm his way into the media …

Wink: Can you tell us who you mean, Murray?

Murray: … and he uses those good looks and fairly nice body of his to woo people to his side …

Wink: Uh, Murray …

Murray: It’s the old sex appeal gimmick! It works every time! Even I almost fell for it!

Wink: Really?

Murray: Sure! There I was, at the Bayshore Inn one night, my hand on the phone, ready to call up that little prick and ask him out … I tell you, he’s seductive, that one. His soft compelling voice with its masculine undertone, brimming with self-confidence and virility … Jesus! If only he worked for me! I tell you, I’d whip him into line … Yeah …

(A very pregnant pause)

Wink: Murray?

Murray: What?

Wink: We were talking about the TRC. And its critics.

(pause)

Murray: Oh yeah? Oh, right. Well, that’s him. He’s the opposition.

Wink: Who?

Murray: Jesus H. Murphy, Wink! Are you covering for that little ex-Reverend? (pause) Are you working with him too, that fucking hottie?

Wink: Okay, Murray, why don’t we switch gears for a moment …

Murray: Sure. Fine. Just let him get away with it again …

Wink: Who’s getting away with what, guy?

Murray: (screeching) Him! He’s out there, lying about me, teasing me … as if he’s the only one who’s ever published statistics or occupied a church …

Wink: Oh. I get it.

Murray: What?

Wink: You’re talking about …

Murray: No! I refuse to hear his name! That’s what we told the Globe and Mail! You print his name ever again, you quote that little white prick, and you’re gonners! Slam dunk!

Wink: The Globe and Mail?

Murray: Yeah! And the CBC!

(pause)

Wink: Wow, Murray. This is getting interesting.

Murray: What do you mean?

Wink: Why don’t you tell us more. I mean, about the CBC.

Murray: What’s to tell? Nobody wants a lawsuit.

Wink: You asked the media not to cover this adversary of yours, this …

Murray: Don’t!

Wink: Okay, this unmentionable ex-Reverend from the west coast.

Murray: Thank you.

Wink: So they agreed?

Murray: What?

Wink: The CBC. The Globe. They agreed not to mention this man anymore, or his work …

Murray: Well of course, dummy. Have you seen him much in the news?

(pause)

Wink: What else did your media buddies agree not to mention, Murray?

Murray: Oh, come on, Wink.

Wink: Come on, what?

Murray: You don’t expect me to answer that, do you?

(pause)

Wink: No, I guess not.

(pause)

Murray: Can I go now?

Wink: Jesus, Murray. My apologies. This has become a real downer of a show.

Murray: It sure has. You were getting almost, well …

Wink: Almost what?

Murray: You know. What’s the word … (pause) Investigative!

Wink: (laughing) Not a chance, Murray. This is Canada!

(laughter and prolonged applause)

Wink: Now that’s more like it! (pause) Murray, any final comments for the audience?

Murray: Yes. Don’t believe what you might read about me and somebody named Denise.

Wink: Our lips are sealed, Murray.

(prolonged applause, canned music)

Wink: Thank you Canada! And we’ll see you next week, when we’ll have as our special guest, the CEO of GoldCorp, a really nice guy named Charles Jeannes, who’ll be dispelling all those bad things people are saying about him and his company … and as an added treat, Charlie will also be doing his own comedy Improv!

(applause)

Wink: So like we say here on the show: Keep positive, Canada! And keep smiling!

(canned music)

 

Some Advice to a Desperate “Pope”, from Kevin Posted by kevin on June 12, 2015. No comments. http://youtu.be/yuMKxy1mlAE June 12, 2015 Dear Jorge, I hope you don’t mind me saying that you seem to be getting nuttier by the month. Just…
kevinannett.com

Some Advice to a Desperate “Pope”, from Kevin


http://youtu.be/yuMKxy1mlAE
June 12, 2015

Dear Jorge,

I hope you don’t mind me saying that you seem to be getting nuttier by the month. Just recently, for instance, you instructed your Bishops to not tell the police when children are raped by priests. Now this week, you’ve announced plans to investigate those same Bishops if they follow your instructions.

So which is it?

Apparently inspired by the success of Canada’s own recent cover up of its in-house slaughter of native children, you’re now setting up your own “Tribunal” (gee, that sounds so impressive) to pretend to investigate yourself for your institutionalized crimes against children. But in the process, you are creating such a muddle of contradiction that none of it makes any sense – even to a catholic.

This “Tribunal” you envision aims to expose catholic child abuse while not actually doing anything to stop it, besides employing the usual bromide of shifting the criminal to some other bailiwick. Nor under your plan can any of the church victims actually confront or hold their abusers legally accountable, since you guys conveniently operate under your own laws, and courts.

That’s kind of like the wolf saying to all the docile sheep, Hey, trust me now!

Of course, not being one – catholic, that is – I am not party to the suspension of reason and personal judgement required by any loyal member of your sheeply “flock”. So who knows? Maybe your absurdity makes sense to the same billion or so of you who somehow believe that “God” deals in cash and credit, and along with other invisible genies and “saints”, can be influenced to usher you guys into that thing called heaven.

But Jorge, there is a limit, I can only hope, to human credulity and downright dumbness. When Al Capone – who was after all a loyal dues-paying papist – once told reporters that he planned to “clean up all the crime” in Chicago, it’s not like most folks actually believed him. It’s just that Big Al owned all the money, politicians and muscle in town. Just like you do.

That said, despite your crafted image of a sterling reformer, I haven’t noticed you doing much reforming. You haven’t nullified your standing Vatican policy known as Crimen Sollictationas, whereby everyone in your church, from Cardinals on down, must cover up child abuse and not tell the police about it, or face excommunication. God hates a snitch, right? In fact, you’ve recently told your own Italian Bishops that the police should never be included in any investigation of child abuse. And who can forget your silly lie, made last year, that only “about two percent” of your clergy were child rapists?

Let me explain the real law to you, Jorge: covering up child abuse is as criminal an act as perpetrating it. So the figure isn’t two percent. Try 100%. And, worse the luck for you, you’re the head fiduciary officer of a syndicate that officially subverts justice and abets a crime against humanity. That makes you, well, shit out of luck, amigo.

Of course, I’m no dummy. This is Chicago, after all, so I don’t expect the cops to nab you. But that doesn’t mean you’re not on the defensive and prone to exposing yourself. Like, how blatantly you’re doing everything possible to hide all your after-hour pederasts, as well as the corpses of those other children who routinely die or are trafficked at the hands of the Vatican, Incorporated. And child trafficking is something you personally know all about, eh senor?

But here’s the thing, Jorge: in your rashness to whitewash everything and cover your own ass for your love affair with the Argentinian dictatorship, you are forgetting the basic rules of warfare: Never give contradictory orders to your subordinates, and never disown your own actions, otherwise, you’ll only sow confusion in your ranks.

It’s surprising that a top Jesuit like you seems to be disregarding such basics, schooled as you all are in the art of deception. Maybe you’re just getting old. But I do give you points for trying to steal our thunder by not only co-opting any investigation into Vatican crimes, but using our lingo, like the label “Tribunal”. Your buddies in Canada have tried the same thing with some success, because, sadly, your average Canadian is about as street wise as your run of the mill catholic pew sitter.

But here’s the thing, cabron: when you open a dung heap, you can’t control the stench. And everyone knows that in-house inquiries of oneself are as genuine as a trip to Lourdes.

At the end of the day, Mr. Bergoglio, your latest Grin and Spin effort may have nothing at all to do with child abuse, and everything to do with why you were hired, which was to distract.
After all, you aren’t  officially “the pope” as long as Joe the Rat keeps scurrying around the Vat. You wander off on your own without bodyguards, make policy changes that are instantly disavowed by the Roman Curia, and don’t even live in the Vatican. Two popes? Not likely. So which one of you is the actual anti-Christ, anyway?

I’ll leave that question to the theologians. And to the lawyers.

Regardless, Jorge, your performance is starting to wear thin. That knee jerk Jesuit in you keeps creeping out, like when you recently declared your plan to “beatify” (is that like “beautify”?) an 18th century catholic missionary in California who just happened to terrorize and enslave lots of Indians. So I’d go easy on that particular saint-making plan if I were you, especially since you’re going to be in America this fall, dummy, where all the protestors are!

Anyway, forgetting about the Indians, as you so easily do, your image is fine, what with your kindly grandfather look, and all those verbal gymnastics you perform to convince us that things are so different now on the Seven Hills. But good looks alone guarantee nothing. Ask Elvis. And there is the little matter of the financial insolvency of your whole institution, and your frantic efforts to bail out the tottering Vatican Bank with a little help from your Russian and Chinese friends. Maybe that’s why you’re acting so befuddled. Who wouldn’t be distracted, in your shoes?

But ultimately, I wouldn’t worry too much. A good 85% of the human race seems to need a beneficent fatherly figure who can do no wrong, regardless of the blood on his hands. As George Carlin says, there’s no better bullshit operation in history than religion, and sadly, the flock haven’t woken up to that truth, yet. On the other hand, another good friend of mine named Honest Abe Lincoln, who was knocked off by you guys actually, once said that you can’t fool all of the people all of the time.

I’d take that to heart, Jorge.

I’ll catch you at the next exorcism.

Divinely yours,

Kevin
Busted! Jorge Bergoglio (left) and Argentine dictator General Videla, 1982